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by Jeff Greenwald, M.A., MFT.
“If I could just get a few matches under my belt, then
I might get some confidence back.” “I'm just not feeling that confident
these days.” “If I am confident, I know I can win.”
It would be difficult to go through a weekend tournament and not
hear players mention confidence as a factor in their win or loss.
But, if you look closely enough at the statements made above—all
coming verbatim from pros and competitive players alike—you'll also
see that confidence is perceived almost always as something that
happens to them as opposed to something
that is within their control.
Most athletes seem to agree that confidence—defined as a “faith
or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way”—is
the most important feeling that helps them play their best. When
we're confident we feel as though we can do no wrong. We're optimally
relaxed, highly optimistic and completely focused in the moment.
So, what athlete wouldn't want another dose of this mind/body experience?
If only we could inject ourselves with confidence at will. We can.
However, it requires a broader definition of confidence—one based
on your overall ability, possibility in the present moment, and
a certain degree of detachment from results; what I would refer
to as a more fearless paradigm.
Most tennis players whom I've met, for example, have come to believe
that confidence develops when they win or have sufficient proof
that they can execute a particular skill. In other words, past success
is the primary doorway to feeling “faith” or confidence in their
ability to execute in the present or future. It would be ridiculous
to argue that past success is not a very powerful contributor to
feeling confident. However, to believe that confidence is not possible
without a recent win or immediate proof of mastery would be a very
limited perspective. In fact, I believe that confidence, in the
short and long-term, has more to do with our state of mind and reactions
to what happens to us regardless of the result.
Let's say that you've lost a string of close three set matches
in the last couple of months. And now you're in a match, up a break
at 4-3, but end up losing your serve to even it at 4-4. Having been
in a similar situation just a few weeks ago, almost immediately
you feel as though your confidence has fallen through a trap door.
In rush the negative thoughts, “I can't win a match anymore. Here
we go again. If it goes three sets I'm done. I can't believe this
is happening again.” Then you get tight and start playing it safe.
And, to no surprise, it all unravels from there.
As with many of the players I've worked with who subscribe to the
“confidence comes from results paradigm,” as in this example, you
would be allowing your past matches to dictate your current mind-set
and reaction, and are essentially being victimized by your memory
of a few results from the past couple of months. Now, granted, losing
a string of matches in three sets is no picnic. It's disheartening,
frustrating, and can certainly make you begin to question your ability.
But how much do you allow it to erode your self-confidence in the
present and future? And, more importantly, do you, in fact, have
the ability to make those shots you missed or have the skill to
add pace to your groundstrokes, which, together, would have made
the difference in the outcome of some of those matches? If you do,
how much do the actual results really matter in your ability to
execute in the future?
Now, as most of us can imagine, had you actually won a couple of
those three-setters you probably wouldn't be getting so negative
and distracted in the first place because you came out on top. Chances
are you would feel that you are still very much in the match and
you would keep fighting, focusing on your strategy, working your
routines between points to stay composed and saying some positive
thoughts to yourself like, “Not a big deal. Hang in there. Make
him beat you.” But, because confidence remains almost entirely dependent
on past matches and successful outcomes you lose the opportunity
to play your best at critical times. Your confidence comes and goes
like the wind, forever vulnerable to the score, your name on the
next line of the draw, a positive or negative comment made by a
peer, a ball that was unfairly called out at match point, or even
your seeding in a tournament. No, with this limited mind-set, your
memory of that forehand you missed to lose the match last week creates
a nest in your mind and the trap door sucks the last bit of confidence
out of you.
Roger Federer seems to have the ability
to play with extreme confidence even when under duress.
Fearless tennis! |
Enter the fearless paradigm. The reality is that even after being
broken you are still even in the match at 4-4. What happened four
weeks ago in the round of 16 to lose the match or the last volley
you missed to lose the game—becomes irrelevant. These results are
as irrelevant as what you ate for dinner that same night four weeks
ago. They simply get no air time. Instead, you are prepared for
the trap door to open underneath you, and you step aside, walk back
to the fence and smile. You remember the many penetrating ground
strokes that have served you well in the past and you see these
images clearly. Or, you may have a mental image of yourself hitting
with authority on your returns—that is, with confidence—regardless
of the score. You know deep down that you have the ability to hit
the ball in these ways, and know, too, that you get to choose this
action, regardless of the result five minutes ago or four weeks
ago.You can surely practice this mentality from one moment to the
next.
To be fair and realistic, if you are having an “off day” and can't
seem to find your rhythm for the life of you, feeling confidently
about your shots is certainly more of a long shot. However, you
would be well advised, even when your strokes feel as though they
have been stripped from you, to focus on a particular aspect of
your game that will help you. For example you might commit to hitting
through the ball on every shot, hitting deeper, or with more topspin.
These choices can certainly be made with supreme confidence. This
way you can remain confident in your decision, your commitment to
play the way you know how. And, you will probably see that this
mind-set will eventually improve your technique and restore your
overall feeling of confidence in the process. In other words, you
find an aspect of your game that you can control.
My recommendation is to simply get clear on what it means for you
to act in a confident manner, regardless of the situation or score
and base your confidence on that. With the addition of a dose of
self-control, expanded belief in your overall ability, and greater
detachment from past results, combined with some more wins under
your belt, I guarantee that confidence will no longer feel so elusive.
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